_LOIS & CLARK_
_The New Adventures Of Superman_
"And I Now Pronounce You..."
Written by Chris Ruppenthal
Directed by Jim Pohl
_CAST_
CLARK KENT/SUPERMAN
LOIS LANE
JIMMY OLSEN
PERRY WHITE
MARTHA KENT
JONATHAN KENT
ELLEN LANE
SAM LANE
DR. MAMBA
PRESIDENT/FAKE PRESIDENT
WALKER/FAKE WALKER
CINDY
REVEREND BOB
CHURCH DEACON
PHIL
AGENT ROBERTS
MANAGER
DELIVERY DRIVER
MAID
_LOCATIONS_
_INTERIORS_: _EXTERIORS_:
Daily Planet Daily Planet
Newsroom
Conference Room Church
Clark's Apartment Phil's Pet Palace
Lois's Apartment *
Metropolis Diamond Hotel Lois's Fire Escape
Lobby
Suite 4010 Street
Presidential Suite
Lobby
Church
Jeep
_TEASER_
FADE IN:
1 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #1 1
CLARK lounges in mid-air, watching a basketball game on TV;
he's completely at ease. He munches a few chips from a bag
as he follows the game.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.0.)
... gets the ball to Shaq, who
spins, drives hard and OH! He
slams that one home for two!
CLARK
Yes!
The phone RINGS. Clark, still holding the chips bag, drifts
over and answers it.
CLARK (CONT'D)
Hello?
LOIS (V.O.)
(distraught)
Oh, Clark, you're there! It's
horrible, it's terrible, it's --
CLARK
(alarmed)
Lois!
ZOOOM! He blurs out his open window. The bag of chips hits
the ground.
2 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 2
SUPERMAN zooms through the open window and screeches to a
halt behind LOIS, who's still on the phone, her back to the
window. She's in mid-conversation.
SUPERMAN
What's the matter?!
LOIS
(jumps)
Ahh! You scared me!
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 2.
2 CONTINUED: 2
SUPERMAN
You said something horrible was
happening.
She relaxes now.
LOIS
Oh. No. It's just that, oh
(in a neurotic rush)
... we're getting married in four
days and I've never been happier in
my life and I just know something
bad's going to happen to mess it
up. I Just know it.
SUPERMAN
That's it?
LOIS
(defensive)
Well, yeah.
SUPERMAN
(smiles; hugging her)
Nothing's going to happen, Lois.
You're just nervous. So am I.
LOIS
Really?
SUPERMAN
(nods)
Well, maybe not as much as you,
but... sure. Look, we took the
whole week off, we don't have any
stories to investigate, it's going
to be fine. The scariest thing
that's going to happen is that
tomorrow night we have to pick up
our parents at the airport.
LOIS
But... but... I've had this weird
feeling all evening.
Superman theatrically walks to her front door, opens it, and
pokes his head out, looking around.
SUPERMAN
Maybe it was those three chocolate
shakes you had at lunch. Nope, not
a bad guy in sight.
Superman steps back as Lois sheepishly looks out, then turns
her back to the open door.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 3.
2 CONTINUED: 2 2
LOIS
I know what you must be thinking,
but --
DELIVERY DRIVER
(stern voice)
Lois Lane!
LOIS
Ahh!
Lois practically jumps out of her skin. There's a small
WHAP! as Lois turns to see a DELIVERY DRIVER standing behind
her... with Superman's hand around his throat. The Delivery
Driver looks like your basic average stoner serial killer.
DELIVERY DRIVER
(strained voice)
I have a delivery for you.
For the first time Lois and Superman notice a long flower
box under his arm. Embarrassed, Superman gently releases
him.
SUPERMAN
Sorry.
DELIVERY DRIVER
Nice grip. Sign here please.
Lois signs. The Delivery Driver waits for a tip. Superman
awkwardly looks at Lois. She quickly digs in her pocket and
drops a few meager coins in the Delivery Driver's hand. He
looks at them with disdain.
DELIVERY DRIVER (CONT'D)
(sarcastic)
Whoa. Early retirement, here I
come.
He leaves.
SUPERMAN
See? Everything's fine.
LOIS
(sheepish)
Yeah.
She opens the box. It's a dozen roses. Dead.
LOIS (CONT'D)
They're dead.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 4.
2 CONTINUED: 3 2
SUPERMAN
Maybe you were the last person on
his delivery route. You know, they
were fresh this morning, but now...
LOIS
There's no note. See? I told you,
it's starting.
SUPERMAN
Lois, the only thing that's
starting... is this.
He pulls her tight and starts to give her a world-class
kiss. As Lois lets herself be swept away, she drops the box
of roses. CAMERA DOLLIES IN on the roses.
FADE OUT.
_END TEASE_
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 5.
_ACT ONE_
FADE IN:
3 INT. LOBBY - METROPOLIS DIAMOND HOTEL - NIGHT #2 3
Sleek and barely a year old, the Diamond gleams with
modernity. It's also jammed to the gills with irate
travelers and guests. People trip over luggage everywhere.
outside, the weather is about ten exits past miserable. One
voice, however, rises above all others... and it belongs to
Lois. She, along with Clark, ELLEN LANE and MARTHA, are
crushed against the front desk, talking to the MANAGER.
LOIS
What do you mean there're no
rooms?! I've had reservations for
a month; I confirmed them
yesterday!
THE MANAGER
Yes, m'am, but the people staying
in your rooms haven't checked out.
LOIS
I don't care if they've set up
tents, just put them somewhere
else!
THE MANAGER
I'm sorry, but there's no room.
Metropolis is socked in. Nobody
can get a flight out.
ELLEN
(starting to freak)
Oh, my God, this is a disaster. I
knew this wedding would never go
off. We'll probably wind up
sleeping in alleys like --
Clark rolls his eyes; Ellen is freaking out just the way
Lois does sometimes.
LOIS
Mother...
Martha pats Lois on the arm and confidently steps forward.
MARTHA
Excuse me, we'd like to speak to
the manager. I'm a personal friend
of his.
THE MANAGER
I am the Manager.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 6.
3 CONTINUED: 3
MARTHA
(covering)
Oh. Really. Well, that facelift
really worked. You look fabulous.
CLARK
(sotto, to Martha)
Nice try.
MARTHA
It was worth a shot.
THE MANAGER
(unsmiling)
Perhaps you'd like us to try
another hotel for you?
SAM
(arriving through crowd)
They're all booked.
JONATHAN
Even the motels. There're about a
dozen conventions in town.
LOIS
(now she freaks)
Clarkkk.... !
CLARK
(to Manager)
Perhaps someone with adjoining
suites might consider consolidating
and --
LOIS
(jumping in; desperate)
Listen! My wedding is in three
days! We've got relatives coming
in from all over the country,
assuming they can land and Uncle
Rick's riding mower doesn't get
stuck in the snow. We're tired.
We're wet. And I have a very loud
voice...
(it starts to rise)
... and I don't care if the
President of the United States is
in our rooms, I want him out of
there or I'm gonna --
Lois is suddenly jostled aside and interrupted by the
appearance of Agent WALKER of the Secret Service.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 7.
3 CONTINUED: 2 3
WALKER
Threats against the President are a
felony, you know. Punishable by
imprisonment. I'm sure they have
rooms there.
Everyone turns in surprise to see the PRESIDENT suddenly
sweep through the lobby, surrounded by his entourage and
Secret Service agents, including AGENT ROBERTS.
LOIS
Mr. President.... !
CLARK
(sotto)
Nice timing.
THE PRESIDENT
(smiling)
Lois Lane. Good to see you. Hated
that story you and Clark Kent did
on my tax increase proposal. Oh,
and congratulations.
With a wave he's gone and heading towards the elevators.
LOIS
(mortified; beat) (X)
Thanks! (X)
WALKER
(deadpan)
Have a nice wedding.
Then he vanishes after the President. Lois turns to Clark.
LOIS
Now what do we do?
CLARK
I guess we go to Plan B.
(beat)
If we can think of one.
CUT TO:
4 INT. SUITE 4010 - METROPOLIS DIAMOND HOTEL - NIGHT 4
DR. MAMBA, a man of uncertain foreign extraction and accent,
is in the midst of berating a FAKE PRESIDENT CLONE.
Standing uneasily nearby is a FAKE WALKER CLONE. Both
clones are identical to their real counterparts.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 8.
4 CONTINUED: 4
DR. MAMBA
How could you be so stupid to take
the car like that?!
(biting sarcasm)
Oh, I forgot, you're a _clone_,
You're exactly like the President,
except your _brain's_ from Jimmy
Cricket!
FAKE PRESIDENT
(like a defensive teen)
I was hungry.
DR. MAMBA
And you, _Pumbaa_, you were
supposed to be looking out for him.
FAKE WALKER
(like a teen, too)
Nobody saw us.
DR. MAMBA
You're just lucky they didn't! The
next time you want something to
eat, _starve_!
FAKE PRESIDENT
I'm sorry, I'm just nervous.
FAKE WALKER
Yeah, this is never going to work.
Ever since that assassination
attempt last month, security around
the President has been tighter than
ever.
Mamba barely contains his frustration.
DR. MAMBA
(exaggerated patience)
Okay, let's pretend we're back in
clone school.
FAKE WALKER
(eager)
Can I have some Jello?
DR. MAMBA
(sharply)
No, you can't have some Jello! Now
listen up! You're exact copies of
the President and the head of his
Secret Service detail.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 9.
4 CONTINUED: 2 4
DR. MAMBA (CONT'D)
(to Fake President)
Not even the President's wife
could tell you apart.
FAKE PRESIDENT
What about when I burp?
DR. MAMBA
Don't be such a smart mouth! I can
make another dozen just like you!
All with better manners!
Suddenly the phone rings. Mamba checks his watch. Right on
time. Mamba raises a warning finger.
DR. MAMBA (CONT'D)
(into the phone;
brightly)
Dr. Mamba speaking.
(anxious & servile)
Yes! Yes! Everything's fine!
We're right on schedule. No, sir!
Yes, sir! By this time tomorrow,
we'll have replaced the President
and the head of his security (X)
detail.
(glares at clones)
No, they're eager to do it! Right!
You betcha! Until then.
He hangs up.
DR. MAMBA (CONT'D)
(hard again)
Don't make me tell him the truth.
FAKE PRESIDENT
(beat)
I'm still hungry.
FAKE WALKER
Me, too.
DR. MAMBA
Jeez, what am I, the Old Woman Who
Lived In A Shoe?
(off their looks)
All right, but then no more. It's
not good to eat after ten at night.
Dr. Mamba crosses over to a pair of ornate ice buckets with
lids. He opens one, reaches inside, and we notice that it's
filled entirely with frogs. Strange, exotic frogs, paddling
in some water.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 10.
4 CONTINUED: 3 4
He grabs two and casually tosses one to the Fake Walker and
one to the Fake President. They instantly stuff them in
their mouths. Suddenly, the door to the suite opens and a
MAID enters, carrying chocolates. She starts speaking
before she even sees what's going on.
MAID
Housekeeping. I came to turn down
the --
She stops in shocked surprise at the tableau before her: the
Fake Walker and Fake President stand rigid, tiny frog legs
sticking out of their mouths.
DR. MAMBA
(beat, ominous)
Grab her.
The WHISTLE of a TEA KETTLE drowns out the maid's opened (X)
mouth scream. (X)
CUT TO:
5 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - CLOSEUP TEA KETTLE - NIGHT 5(X)
Martha takes the tea kettle off the stove as Lois bustles (X)
around trying to find room for a pile of luggage. Ellen (X)
enters carrying a small cosmetic case, followed by Sam, (X)
Jonathan and Clark, all struggling under a mound of (X)
luggage.
JONATHAN
You certainly came well prepared.
ELLEN
Too bad I didn't bring a room. Oh,
my God, I need a drink or three.
What a pity I gave it up. This has
got to be the worst night of my
life...
(sotto; to Lois, re:
Sam)
... excluding our first date.
SAM
(sotto to Lois)
Maybe she can sleep on the fire
escape.
ELLEN
What'd you say?
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 11.
5 CONTINUED: 5
LOIS
(covering)
Mom... Dad... I'm sure this'll only
be temporary.
CLARK
I'll call the hotel first thing in
the morning.
MARTHA
Would anyone like some nice warm
tea?
Lois gives Martha an appreciative smile.
LOIS
That sounds --
ELLEN
Lois! What if Lucy can't get in?!
Who's going to be your Maid of
Honor? Oh, I know! You can ask
Cindy; she'd be thrilled. Maybe
you'd better call her right now,
just to warn her.
LOIS
Mom!
CLARK
Cindy? Your cousin?
Ellen starts to take some luggage into the bedroom.
ELLEN
(to Lois)
If your sister doesn't show, you
gotta have somebody. Cindy invited
you to _her_ weddings, but you
didn't go, you were _too busy_; you
_owe it_ to her.
Lois chases a few steps after her.
LOIS
Mom, the receptions lasted longer
than both her marriages.
Lois turns back to the living room in frustration.
LOIS (CONT'D)
She is going to drive me mad.
MARTHA
She's just anxious, dear.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 12.
5 CONTINUED: 2 5
LOIS
I know.
Martha hands her some tea.
LOIS (CONT'D)
Thank you. Oh, Martha, I hate to
say this, but... could you possibly
help me with my Mom?
MARTHA
Certainly, honey, I'd be happy to.
LOIS
Thanks, I'd really appreciate it.
I'm about this far from losing it.
She holds her thumb and index finger a millimeter apart.
Ellen re-emerges from the bedroom.
ELLEN
Lois, I've been thinking, maybe we
should have lobster at the
rehearsal dinner instead of beef.
LOIS
(screaming)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
And as Ellen stops in surprise.
ELLEN
What?
6 INT. THE PLANET - DAY #3 6
Lois shoots out of the elevator, followed by Clark.
PERRY
Lois? Clark? What're you doing
here?
She shoots past PERRY and heads straight for her desk. She
begins rapidly thumbing through her files.
LOIS
Perry, I need a story. Something
big, horrible and complex that'll
get my mind off my parents. One
preferably out of the country.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 13.
6 CONTINUED: 6
PERRY
(sotto, to Clark)
Oh, she's entered Phase Two: that's
the manic stage. Hold onto your
spurs.
CLARK
(nodding)
Maybe we could have just a little
story; something that'd take only
an hour or two.
PERRY
Got just the thing.
(clears his throat;
exaggerated)
Lois, thank Elvis you two are here!
I gotta Page One I need you on!
Jimmy, gimme that file off my desk!
JIMMY
One file coming up!
LOIS
Perry, you're the best! What's it
about? Government corruption?
Banking scandal? Celebrity
infidelities?
PERRY
_Frogs_.
LOIS
Frogs?
PERRY
Oh, no no no no no, not just any
frogs. They're very rare and
valuable frogs. From the South
Pacific. All blue and yellow, with
a tiny bit of green. Fantastic
growth rate. People have been
importing them for pets for years,
but now it turns out they may be a
medical miracle. Anyway, a bunch
of them got stolen last night from,
uh...
(takes file from Jimmy)
...Phil's Exotic Pet Palace. So
hop to, people! This is _big_.
Let's move! (X)
LOIS
Thanks, Perry, you saved my sanity.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 14.
6 CONTINUED: 2 6
PERRY
No problem. We'll see you at the
rehearsal. (X)
CUT TO:
7 CLOSEUP - A FROG - EXT. PHIL'S PET PALACE - DAY 7
It's small throat puffs in and out as it breathes.
PHIL (O.S.)
... then, about five years ago,
scientists found out that the...
8 WIDESHOT 8
We see PHIL showing Lois and Clark some frogs that are in
aquariums on stands outside the store. All sorts of pets
fill neighboring cages and cases.
PHIL
... Doppelbuufo frog cell nucleus
contained DNA that... when grafted
onto the DNA from another animal...
helped make perfect biological
copies of whatever the second
animal was.
LOIS
You mean clone them?
PHIL
Yes. So far, it's only been tried
on mice.
CLARK
And someone stole your latest
shipment. (X)
PHIL
That's right. I came in about
seven this morning and discovered
that the front door had been
jimmied. They didn't even take (X)
any of the more valuable pets; (X)
just the Doppelbuufos.
LOIS
A rogue medical researcher, no
doubt.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 15.
8 CONTINUED: 8
CLARK
Anything else you can tell us about
them?
PHIL
(in full nerd mode)
No, except they have a very fast
metabolism, due to some unusual
enzymes they have, which makes them
hungry most of the time. And, if
they can't make enough of their
own enzymes, they'll happily turn
on each other for them.
LOIS
Sounds like my parents.
Clark gives Lois a wry smile.
9 INT. PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - METROPOLIS DIAMOND HOTEL DAY 9
The REAL President is changing his shirt and tie as he talks
to Secret Service Agent Roberts, who is checking his notes. (X)
THE PRESIDENT
... and how do I get from the stage
to the limo if I need to leave in a
hurry?
(slight smile)
They may not take too kindly to my
tax increase proposal.
ROBERTS
(grinning) (X)
We've got a secure route from the
wings through the side bar.
THE PRESIDENT
Excellent.
They hear the side door open and are slightly surprised to (X)
see the Fake Walker, dressed as a Secret Service agent, (X)
enter, followed by Mamba, dressed as a hotel maintenance (X)
man, pushing a wide screen TV. (X)
FAKE WALKER
(grinning; to President)
Thought you might like to see the (X)
game tonight in widescreen, sir. (X)
THE PRESIDENT
(pleased) (X)
All the better to watch your Tar (X)
Heels get their butts kicked. (X)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 16.
9 CONTINUED: 9
FAKE WALKER
Never happen. (X)
ROBERTS
I thought you said you were on (X)
your way up in the passenger (X)
elevator? (X)
For a split second, the Fake Walker and Mamba share a (X)
moment of alarm, but quickly cover. (X)
FAKE WALKER
Did I? I meant 'service.' We (X)
came up in the service elevator. (X)
In fact, do me a favor and take it (X)
back down to the garage and tell (X)
'em we roll in fifteen minutes. (X)
ROBERTS
Will do. (X)
He leaves by the side door. A second later, the _real_ (X)
Walker lets himself in the front door. (X)
WALKER
Sir, we're -- (X)
He stops in surprise at the sight of the Fake Walker and (X)
instantly goes for his gun. SPPPT! A tranquilizer dart (X)
shot from a gun held by the Fake Walker drops Walker
instantly. The President stands frozen as Mamba shuts the
door. The back on the TV opens and out of the cramped space
comes the Fake President, dressed in T-shirt and sweats.
DR. MAMBA
Uh-uh-uh, no screaming. It's
undignified.
The President takes a breath to scream and SPPPT!, the Fake
Walker shoots him with a tranquilizer dart. He drops in a
heap. The Fake Walker opens a secret door in the wall.
DR. MAMBA (CONT'D)
This is so much cheaper than an
election.
(to the Fake President)
Change clothes. Then help me get
him into the passageway.
FADE OUT.
10 10
THRU OMITTED THRU
11 11
_END OF ACT ONE_
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 17.
_ACT TWO_
FADE IN:
12 INT. JEEP - DAY 12
Lois and Clark are stuck in a huge traffic jam caused by (X)
TWO ARGUING DRIVERS in the middle of the street next to a (X)
minor fender-bender. _They are just a little ways from the_
_pet store_. Lois blows her HORN twice as she leans out her
window and yells at another driver trying to inch in front
of her.
LOIS
Hey, don't try and cut in front of
me!
Clark glances at a large clock on an ornamental post on the
sidewalk in front of a watch store. It reads 12:03.
CLARK
Relax, Lois, we've got plenty of
time. The rehearsal's not until
two-thirty.
LOIS
Clark, don't you remember? We
moved it up to noon because
Reverend Bob had an important
meeting he had to go to.
Clark looks at Lois for a moment; he had completely
forgotten. Suddenly, they both turn away and poke their
heads out their windows.
LOIS CLARK
Excuse me! We've Yo! What seems
got to get to be the problem
through! here?!
They both slump back inside; no one moved an inch.
LOIS
We are _cooked_. I can practically
hear my mother now.
Suddenly, her cellular phone rings.
CLARK
Uncanny how that works.
Lois answers the phone.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 18.
12 CONTINUED: 12
LOIS
Yes, mother, I know we're supposed
to be there, but we're stuck in
traffic...
Clark opens his door and begins loosening his tie.
LOIS (CONT'D)
... but not for long.
He smiles and jogs towards an alley.
LOIS (CONT'D)
(into phone)
I'm sorry, what did you say? No, I
haven't made up my mind about
Cindy. Is Lucy there? Hmmph,
maybe her flight's delayed.
Clark pauses before he runs into the alley; he's spotted an (X)
ATM machine and has gotten an idea. He turns from the (X)
machine to look at a large plate glass window across the (X)
street. (In it, ideally, he sees a tiny reflection of the (X)
pet store.) (X)
CLARK
Hmmm. (X)
He then dashes into the alley. (X)
13 LOIS 13
hears the familiar WHOOSH! and THRU HER WINDSHIELD we see (X)
Superman blur to a stop by the two Arguing Drivers. (X)
LOIS
Look, Mom, I've gotta go, the (X)
accident's about to clear up. (X)
Superman says something, but the Arguing Drivers continue (X)
to squabble. Exasperated, Superman BLURS into action and (X)
then suddenly zips up out of sight, REVEALING the two cars (X)
neatly disconnected and parked on the side of the street (X)
with the two drivers, bewildered, back inside. Traffic (X)
instantly begins to flow. (X)
14 ANGLE ON LOIS 14
As Clark, tightening his tie, climbs back into the Jeep and
Lois takes off.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 19.
14 CONTINUED: 14
LOIS
You know, you're going to come in
pretty handy. (X)
CLARK
You should see me take out the
garbage.
He picks up her cellular phone and dials information. Lois
gives him a questioning look.
CLARK (CONT'D)
Our frognapper may have made a (X)
deposit he wasn't aware of. (X)
Clark gives an enigmatic smile. A horn BEEP from behind (X)
breaks Lois out of her puzzlement and she puts the Jeep in (X)
gear. (X)
15 INT. CHURCH - DAY 15
It's a nice church of moderate size and gothic aspirations.
Sam, Ellen, Jonathan, Martha, Perry, Jimmy and CINDY (about
Jimmy's age and attractive) are waiting for Lois and Clark.
CINDY
And then my second wedding was in
the Dominican Republic, you know,
where Lisa Marie and Michael
Jackson got married?
JIMMY
Crashed a jetski off San Bernardo
beach once. Very cool place.
CINDY
Oh, I love to jetski! It's like
riding a horse, only better.
Jimmy lights up, he's definitely getting some vibes here
that he likes. CAMERA GOES WITH Ellen as she worriedly
crosses past.
ELLEN
You know, sometimes I think she
does this just to make me anxious.
You know, keep the upper hand and
all that.
MARTHA
I'm sure it's traffic, like she
said.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 20.
15 CONTINUED: 15
ELLEN
(finally noticing)
Wait a minute, these aren't
supposed to be orchids. Beverly
and I distinctly specified Birds
of Paradise.
MARTHA
Oh, didn't I mention it? The
florist ran out of Birds of
Paradise, so I said these were
okay.
ELLEN
(beat)
Oh. How nice.
Sam and Jonathan have caught all this. They exchange
glances and instantly decide to head it off.
SAM
Ellen ... ?
JONATHAN
Martha? Can I speak to you for a
moment?
Just then, REVEREND BOB bustles in. He crosses to Perry.
REV. BOB
Hey, what are the seven scariest
words in the English language? 'I
now pronounce you man and wife.'
He gives a hearty laugh. He's like a bad standup comedian.
PERRY
(polite laugh)
A-ha.
REV. BOB
All right, how many brides does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
CINDY
I don't know.
REV. BOB
Neither do they, that's why they
have wedding coordinators.
He laughs again. Everyone else rolls their eyes.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 21.
15 CONTINUED: 2 15
ELLEN
(to Sam)
Maybe they can still elope.
Just then, Lois and Clark rush in.
CLARK
Sorry, we're late.
REV. BOB
No problem. You can be late for
rehearsal, late for the wedding,
but don't be late with my check.
(a la Johnny Carson)
Hey-o!
LOIS
(sotto, to Clark)
What were we thinking of?
REV. BOB
Okay, let's do that rehearsal
thing, okay?
As Rev. Bob speaks and points, everyone takes their
positions.
REV. BOB (CONT'D)
Terrified bachelor will be standing
here, with the Best Man --
JIMMY
That's me.
REV. BOB
-- standing here, wondering if he's
forgotten the ring or not. Next to
him is best man junior. Then the
organ will play, yadda yadda, and
that'll be our signal to start our
engines. Then the groom's mama
will be led down, followed by
grooms' dada, not to confused with
the art movement, then the bride's
mommy, followed by the bridesmaids,
followed by the Maid of Honor...
who is ... ?
Ellen looks at Lois. Cindy looks at Lois. Lois looks at
Clark. He gives a shrug that says do what you want.
LOIS
... still trying to make it in.
Cindy frowns in disappointment.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 22.
15 CONTINUED: 3 15
REV. BOB
Say, what's the difference between
a Maid of Honor and a maid's honor?
About three beers! Ba-dump bump.
Clark winces, eyes Lois, and turns back to Reverend Bob.
CLARK
(a word of advice)
You know, I wouldn't make jokes
like that around here.
REV. BOB
Sorry. You're right. I was just
practicing my routine.
LOIS
Your routine?
REV. BOB
I've got a tryout this afternoon.
King Neptune Cruise Lines. They're
having an open audition for a
comedian on one of their cruise
ships.
(smarmy smile)
You know, six islands, seven
nights? All the shrimp you can
eat.
LOIS
(sotto, to Clark)
Let's hope they still don't believe
in keelhauling.
REV. BOB
What?
LOIS
I said... I hope... we can just
keep... the ball rolling. Here.
REV. BOB
Which reminds me, what did the
porcupine say to his wife on their
wedding night?
Lois and Clark both roll their eyes.
16 INT. SUITE 4010 - DAY 16
Mamba is on the phone to his Unseen Boss. His TV is turned
on, but the volume is off. He fiddles with the remote as he
speaks.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 23.
16 CONTINUED: 16
DR. MAMBA
(nervous)
No, Phase One went off without a
hitch. No! There wasn't even a
hint of a hitch. It was hitchless!
You couldn't see a hitch for miles
and miles! If you threw a brick
you couldn't hit one!
(nervous laugh)
Heh heh. No, I'm not nervous.
Yeah, they're resting comfortably,
though they aren't talking much.
Heh heh. What, yes, absolutely, I
agree. Couldn't agree more. When
you're right, you're right. No
doubt about it. After this, we
should do the Queen Elizabeth
clone, then Chirac, then President
Yeltsin and Prime Minister Murayama
and then whoever's left in the G7.
And the Cubs could use some help,
too. Heh heh, that was a joke.
Sorry. Then, you'll basically rule
the whole world. Heh heh heh.
17 ON THE TV 17
We see the Fake President step behind some podium. He's at
a luncheon.
18 BACK-ON MAMBA 18
DR. MAMBA
Hey, there he is! He's about to
announce Phase Two! Get to a TV if
you can! What? Yes! I know I'm
an idiot! Thanks, bye.
19 CLOSEUP - FAKE PRESIDENT ON TV 19
The President starts to talk. We HEAR applause dying down.
FAKE PRESIDENT
Thank you, Emily.
(re: applause; to unseen
crowd)
Well, I better enjoy this while I
can.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 24.
19 CONTINUED: 19
FAKE PRESIDENT (CONT'D)
(applause finally stops)
Today, I'd like to get straight to
the point: after much thought and
consideration, and, in contrast to
my previous position, I have
decided to endorse the proposed tax
decrease for the upcoming year.
20 WIDESHOT - INT. PLANET - DAY 20
Lois and Clark are just walking up to Lois's desk; they're
watching the TV monitors as they arrive.
CLARK
A decrease? Just yesterday he
was talking about an increase.
LOIS
(carping)
Maybe a good night's sleep on a
nice, soft hotel mattress changed
his mind.
CLARK
Do I detect a hint of annoyance?
(off her look)
Okay, I'll try the hotel again.
LOIS
And the airlines. I'm getting a
little worried about Lucy.
Jimmy runs up, still in his overcoat. He carries a padded
envelope.
JIMMY
C.K., a messenger just dropped this
off for you. (X)
CLARK
Thanks, Jimmy. (X)
Jimmy leaves. (X)
CLARK (CONT'D)
Let's see what Mr. ATM has to say.
They head for the conference room.
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 25.
21 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS 21
Lois and Clark enter. From the envelope Clark pulls out a (X)
fat stack of 8X10 black and white still photographs with (X)
time codes on them.
CLARK
I asked the bank to make still (X)
photos of anything their ATM (X)
camera recorded. (X)
He starts laying them out on the table.
LOIS
You can't even see the pet store (X)
from this angle. (X)
CLARK
Sure you can. You can see it in (X)
the reflection on the plate glass (X)
window across the street. (X)
Lois squints her eyes at a tiny, fuzzy smudge of a
reflection; she can't see anything. Neither can we.
LOIS
Oh, yeah. And look, there's Elvis,
and JFK, and the plot to
'Showgirls'.
Clark grins and lays down some more pictures, and then... (X)
CLARK
Wait a minute. There's someone
there.
Clark picks up the photo and the next two after it. (X)
22 CLARK'S SUPER VISION - CLOSEUP PHOTOS 22(X)
The FIRST Photo shows a figure, overcoat collar pulled up (X)
to hide his face, jimmying open the door. The SECOND photo (X)
shows him halfway into the doorway. The THIRD photo shows (X)
him walking from the door, next to a car. He's carrying a (X)
plastic bag filled with water and frogs. We can read the (X)
license tag on the car. It reads "MRC-701", but because (X)
it's a reflection, it reads backwards. We can also see a (X)
hint of the figure's face it might be the Fake Walker, (X)
but it's not clear.
23 BACK TO CLARK 23
LOIS
What's he look like?
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 26.
23 CONTINUED: 23
CLARK
(disbelieving)
It was the head of the President's
Secret Service detail.
LOIS
The Secret Service is into
frognapping?
CLARK
I can't be certain, but I did get a
license number.
He writes it on a legal pad. Lois glances at her watch; her
face twists in distress.
LOIS
(with growing speed)
Ohhhh, why does this always happen?
Nothing's ever easy. You take a
simple frognap story and now it
involves the Secret Service! What
does that mean? National
Security? Foreign intrigue? This
could be really big!
Clark starts to open his mouth, but Lois continues.
LOIS (CONT'D)
But then what am I supposed to do,
forget about our wedding?! Bang!
Zoom! Hello, Pulitzer; goodbye,
Clark?!
Clark tries to speak again, but gets cut off.
LOIS (CONT'D)
Ohhhh, I wanna scream! I knew
something bad was going to happen!
No matter what I do, part of me'll
want to be doing something else!
Lois paces agitatedly.
LOIS (CONT'D)
I'm going mad! We're never going
to get married!
CLARK
Lois. Honey. Nothing's going
to --
LOIS
(suddenly stops)
What'd you just say?
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 27.
23 CONTINUED: 2 23
CLARK
Lois?
LOIS
After that.
CLARK
Honey?
Lois is immediately transformed. She practically purrs as
she comes and sits on his lap and puts her arms around his
neck.
LOIS
That's the first time you ever
called me that. Say it again, I
like it.
CLARK
Honey.
LOIS
Mmmmmm.
She kisses him. Mmmmmm. She finally pulls away. (X)
LOIS (CONT'D)
What other names do you have in (X)
mind? (X)
CLARK
Sweetheart... (X)
(kisses her) (X)
Darling...
(kisses her) (X)
My little... tornado. (X)
LOIS
(laughs)
That's original. (X)
CLARK
And so are you.
He kisses her tenderly again. (X)
PERRY (O.S.)
Okay, I take it this means the frog
story's done.
Lois and Clark pry themselves apart. They're slightly
embarrassed, but not too much.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 28.
23 CONTINUED: 3 23
LOIS
Actually, it's taken an unexpected
twist.
PERRY
I'll say.
Lois glances at her watch. She pulls Clark out of his chair
and heads past Perry.
24 INT. PLANET - DAY 24
Lois hands the license number to Perry.
LOIS
No, really. The Secret Service is
involved. We need Jimmy to run
this license number. Have him call
us as soon as he finds anything
out. We think they're up to
something shady.
PERRY
Shady? That's _good_! All right,
you go on, I'll see you at the (X)
restaurant tonight. (X)
Jimmy hangs up the phone. (X)
JIMMY
Yo, C.K.! Slight change of plans. (X)
CLARK
Whaddya mean? (X)
JIMMY
The restaurant just called (X)
they've been closed by the Board (X)
of Health. (X)
CLARK
(starting to freak) (X)
What?! They can't -- where can we (X)
go without a reservation, the (X)
city's packed?! (X)
LOIS
Yeah, what are we supposed to do, (X)
use vending machines?! (X)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 29.
24 CONTINUED: 24
PERRY
Hey, put a pin in that avalanche. (X)
I know a terrific place that's (X)
private, got great service, and we (X)
don't need a reservation. (X)
JIMMY
Do we have to do drive-thru?
PERRY
Nope. But you gotta like Chinese.
SMASH CUT TO:
25 OMITTED 25
26 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAILY PLANET - NIGHT #3 26
Lois, Clark, the Lanes, the Kents, Perry, Jimmy and Cindy (X)
sit around the conference room table. Tons of Chinese food
cartons and paper plates abound. The meal is mostly over
and everyone's having a great time. Various bottles of wine
litter the table, with people drinking out of paper and
clear plastic cups.
LOIS
Can you imagine if we'd shown up (X)
at that restaurant and _then_ (X)
found out it was closed? (X)
CLARK
Personally, I would prefer (X)
standing next to an exploding (X)
volcano. (X)
LOIS
(laughs)
Chicken. (X)
CINDY
So, you're a photographer, right?
JIMMY
Yep, that's me.
CINDY
So, do you ever do, like, nude
pictures?
Jimmy does a spit take. Cindy smiles provocatively at him.
LOIS
Cindy, leave Jimmy alone.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 30.
26 CONTINUED: 26
Cindy smiles innocently. Ellen leans over towards Lois with
a concerned look on her face.
ELLEN
Lois, is your beef cooked? Mine's
a little pink.
LOIS
Mother, please don't start.
ELLEN
(instantly huffy)
I'm not starting anything.
Bacteria is very dangerous. I
think we should call the restaurant
and --
Overhearing, Martha remembers Lois's request and rides to
the rescue.
MARTHA
Here, Ellen, why don't you trade
with me? Mine's well done and I
actually prefer medium rare.
ELLEN
Well... if you don't mind...
Martha smilingly trades and Lois gives her a grateful
glance. Perry stands and taps on an empty wine bottle.
Everyone quiets. He raises a paper cup.
PERRY
Okay okay okay... now let's not
forget why we're here... to Lois
and Clark. To the two finest
reporters; to the two finest
people, I have ever known. May
their marriage be as shining as
their souls.
EVERYONE
Here here! Yeah! To Lois and
Clark!
Perry sits and Lois and Clark both stand. They raise their
own cups.
CLARK
And here's to our family, and our
friends, whose love, support,
tolerance and understanding have
made this all possible.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 31.
26 CONTINUED: 2 26
CLARK (CONT'D)
But most of all, here's to my
wife-to-be, who I love with all my
heart, and I only hope I can make
her as happy as she makes me. To
my love. To my Life. To my Lois.
EVERYONE
To Lois.
Happy tears trickle down Lois's face. She raises her own
cup and people quiet down again.
LOIS
Well, how do you follow that?
Everyone gives good-natured chuckles.
LOIS
But I'm going to try.
SAM
That's my girl.
LOIS
For starters, I agree with
everything that Clark said.
PERRY
There's a first.
Everyone laughs. Lois grins, too.
LOIS
Okay okay...to my parents, to my
future parents-_in-law_, and to
everyone else, thanks for all your
love. And your patience! For
putting up with all my craziness
for all these years.
JIMMY
We love it!
More laughs.
LOIS
And last, but not least, to the man
I thought I'd never meet. Someone
who was as kind as he was loving.
As brave as he was smart. And as
strong as he was tender. To the
man who has my heart, now and
forever. To Clark. I love you.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 32.
26 CONTINUED: 3 26
EVERYONE
Yeah! To Clark!
Lois and Clark kiss. Everyone cheers. Perry unscrews the (X)
cap of a cheap bottle of champagne and pours it foaming into
various cups.
The door to the conference room opens and a STAFFER
sheepishly enters and hands some fax pages to Jimmy. The
Staffer quickly exits.
JIMMY
Hey, Lois, here's that info you
wanted.
JONATHAN
Lois, is that work?
EVERYONE
Work? Booo! No work! Bad bad,
Lois! Booo!
Lois good-naturedly waves them off as she goes to Jimmy.
LOIS
Hey, we've got to pay for the
honeymoon somehow!
JIMMY
Lois, that license you gave me was
to a rental car. It belonged to a
corporate account at a place called
GreenTech, out in California. The
name on the account is Doctor Isaac
Mamba. Here's a picture of him. (X)
He's some kind of biologist. Works
on cloning and accelerated growth.
Oh, and get this: his research? It
involves exotic frogs. (X)
LOIS
Do you have a number where we can
reach him?
JIMMY
(smiling)
Hey, I haven't even had dessert!
LOIS
Pretty pleassssssssse?
JIMMY
Okay, but you know how I said we (X)
all love you? I take it back.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 33.
26 CONTINUED: 4 26
And with a grin, he's gone. As he exits, the Staffer
re-enters with a large box and hands it to Clark.
CLARK
What's this?
LOIS
(already alarmed)
It looks like another present.
JONATHAN
Is there a card?
Clark sets the box on the table and pulls open the ribbon.
He opens the box: inside is a small, smashed wedding cake.
Even the bride and groom figures are broken.
MARTHA
Oh, they must've dropped it.
That's a shame.
Meanwhile, Lois has plucked a card from the mess. She reads
it aloud.
LOIS
'Marrying Clark will be the
beginning... of the end.' Oh, no.
On everyone's concerned look.
FADE OUT.
_END OF ACT TWO_
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 34.
_ACT THREE_
FADE IN:
27 EXT. DAILY PLANET - NIGHT 27
Lois and Clark stand fifty feet apart, looking in opposite
directions.
LOIS
Do you see anybody?
Clark does some supervision checking, but...
CLARK
Nothing. Whoever brought the cake
is long gone.
They start to drift back together. Clark cocks his head;
he's started to superhear something.
LOIS CLARK
This is really Lois, I think you
freaky. First better-- You're
the flowers, and parents are about
now this. I to-- Lois
wonder --
We HEAR Ellen emerge from the Planet. Lois and Clark stand (X)
in surprise as Ellen walks into, then through frame without (X)
stopping. She continues talking even after she exits. (X)
ELLEN
(angry; off screen) (X)
I am _not_ too controlling! But if
you think -- (X)
(on screen)
-- I need to put some distance (X)
between myself and -- (X)
(off screen)
-- this wedding, _fine_, I'll give (X)
you distance. _Taxi_! (X)
LOIS
Mother...! What's going on?! (X)
Sam emerges from the Planet offscreen. He passes through
frame in front of Lois and Clark as he chases after Ellen. (X)
SAM
(off screen)
Ellen! Don't go overreacting! (X)
(on screen)
All I Said was that you were (X)
self-centered and -- (X)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 35.
27 CONTINUED: 27
SAM (CONT'D)
(off screen)
-- making Lois miserable. (X)
LOIS
Daddy...! (X)
We HEAR a cab stop and the door opened by Ellen. (X)
ELLEN (O.S.)
Don't you come near me! If you (X)
dare to show up tomorrow, _I am_
leaving! (X)
We HEAR the door slam and the cab roar off. (X)
SAM (O.S.)
TAXI!
We HEAR another cab stop, the door open and close, then (X)
roar off. (Maybe both cabs pass through the background.) (X)
LOIS
(shouts after them) (X)
Mother! Daddy!
(to Clark) (X)
I can't believe they're doing (X)
this! They're ruining my wedding! (X)
I wish they both hadn't come! (X)
She tearfully storms off back towards the Planet. Clark (X)
catches up and gently puts his arm around her. (X)
CLARK
Lois...
She turns into his chest and just cries for a moment. Clark
holds her and softly strokes her back. Finally, Lois
gathers herself, sniffs, and looks up.
LOIS
I hate my family.
CLARK
(beat, small smile)
I guess that's only normal at
times.
Lois gives a slight smile. In a window near the Planet's (X)
entrance is one of those Silent Radio electronic tickertape (X)
things running various news items.
They kiss. A long, sweet, tender one. Clark slowly pulls
back and then his face changes into a frown; he's spotted
something on the Silent Radio.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 36.
27 CONTINUED: 2 27
LOIS
What?
She turns to read the Silent Radio: "Typhoon smashes India.
Thousands feared lost."
CLARK
I've gotta go. Don't worry about
those notes... but don't do
anything foolish.
Lois smiles sweetly and nods. In a second, he spins into
Superman, kisses her, and LAUNCHES himself straight up.
LOIS
(beat, to the sky)
Love you.
A second later, Jimmy lopes around the corner.
JIMMY
Hey, you guys okay?
LOIS
Um, yeah.
JIMMY
Where's C.K.?
LOIS
He, uh, went after my Dad, to try
and calm him down.
JIMMY
I guess everybody's a little tense.
Anyway, I just got this, hot off
the phone. Dr. Mamba? He's at the
Metropolis Diamond Hotel.
LOIS
Really?
28 OMITTED 28
29 INT. SUITE 4010 - NIGHT 29
Mambo MUSIC plays in the background. Dr. Mamba dances a
mambo with one of the frogs, humming happily to himself.
The doorbell to the suite RINGS, followed by some firm
KNOCKING. He puts the frog back in the ice bucket and
answers the door.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 37.
29 CONTINUED: 29
DR. MAMBA
(calling out)
Who is it?
LOIS (V.0.)
Lois Lane from the Daily Planet...
Mamba opens the door.
LOIS
... and I'd like to ask you a few
questions.
DR. MAMBA
Funny, you don't look like someone
interested in amphibians.
LOIS
(walks inside)
Do you have a dark blue rental car,
license number R2355?
DR. MAMBA
Yes. Plus a light grey suit, a
yellow tie, and paisley shorts.
Full cut. Would you like to see
them?
LOIS
As long as you're not in them.
DR. MAMBA
Ow, cut me to the quick.
LOIS
Last night, a car rented to your
corporate account was seen outside
Phil's Exotic Pet Palace at twelve
thirteen A.M.. A man got out and
robbed the store; then he took off.
DR. MAMBA
That seems rather _petty_. I was
having a late dinner here in my
suite. You can ask the waiter.
Maybe someone took it from valet
parking.
(snaps his finger)
I knew I should've tipped them
more.
LOIS
The man who got out may belong to
the Secret Service; does that ring
a bell?
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 38.
29 CONTINUED: 2 29
DR. MAMBA
(laughs)
Not even a wind chime. Now if
you'll excuse me, I was just about
to go to bed. I suppose you're
busy?
LOIS
For about the next million years.
DR. MAMBA
(smarmy)
I could wait.
LOIS
Your research involves Doppelbuufo
frogs, doesn't it, Dr. Mamba?
DR. MAMBA
Yes, but if you looked closely, the
keen eye would be able to discern
that this is a hotel suite and not
a research lab. That's because I'm
here on vacation. Goodnight, Miss
Lane.
Lois gives him a final stare, then leaves. A beat later, a
SECRET DOOR opens and the FAKE WALKER enters the suite.
DR. MAMBA (CONT'D)
Did you hear that?
FAKE WALKER
Most of it.
DR. MAMBA
You just had to go get those frogs,
didn't you?! Do you know how to
spell _stupid_?! _Y-O-U_, _you_!
Well, she's probably gone down to
get a cab. Follow her, see who she
talks to. If she seems to be
getting too close...
(hard)
... bring her back here.
Walker nods and exits through the secret door.
30 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 30
Lois quietly lets herself in and discovers Ellen in her
pajamas and bathrobe, sitting on the couch in a funk,
watching TV, the sound down very low.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 39.
30 CONTINUED: 30
ELLEN
Hi, baby.
Lois flops down next to her. Ellen takes her hand and rubs
it; it's an old sign of affection.
LOIS
Hi, Mom. Watcha watching?
ELLEN
The news, until I got bored. The
President's done another
one-eighty:
(bored)
... he agreed to a compromise with
Congress over the situation in the
North Africa.
LOIS
(interest piqued)
That's surprising.
ELLEN
(clicks off TV)
He probably wants something from
Congress.
LOIS
Where's Daddy?
ELLEN
He called me from the Harvard Club.
I think he's sleeping in the squash
court.
CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal...
31 EXT. FIRE ESCAPE - CONTINUOUS 31
The Fake Walker sits quietly outside the open window,
listening. In one hand he holds his tranquilizer dart gun.
With his other hand, he takes a frog out of his pocket, pops
it in his mouth like a stick of gum, and chews.
LOIS
Mom...
ELLEN
I know, don't say it. Your father
and I are behaving like children;
we're destroying your wedding; and
you hate us.
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 40.
32 BACK INSIDE 32
LOIS
Basically.
Ellen nods; she can't deny it.
ELLEN
Maybe I have been a little over
concerned. But that's a mother's
job. It's a tough one to give up.
LOIS
(smiles)
I know, but I'm not twelve
anymore.
ELLEN
Remember Larry Bosworth?
LOIS
(smiles)
With the big ears?
ELLEN
You had such a crush on him in
sixth grade.
LOIS
I did not!
ELLEN
You said you wanted to marry him.
Even then I was worried you'd get
your heart broken.
(distasteful)
And what about Ron Taylor. In
college? He always seemed so rough
and... ewww.
LOIS
'Ewww' is right.
ELLEN
Into each life, a little error must
fall.
LOIS
(smiles, then)
Mom, you're not going to stay away
tomorrow, are you? Even if Daddy
comes?
Ellen looks deep into Lois's eyes.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 41.
32 CONTINUED: 32
ELLEN
(beat)
No. I guess not. Ten years ago I
might've, but I'm older and more
forgiving now. And I won't even
need Martha to look after me.
Lois gives an embarrassed smile, then hugs her.
LOIS
Thank you.
ELLEN
Where've you been, anyway?
LOIS
The story of my life: a story.
Say, do you think any of Daddy's
old medical friends would know
about this Dr. Mamba?
ELLEN
I don't know. I suppose you
could --
At that moment, the Fake Walker steps in from the fire
escape. Lois and Ellen both notice the gun.
FAKE WALKER
-- ask him? That'd be very low on
the idea meter.
He pulls the trigger. AS HE DOES, Lois violently shoves her
mother away from her as she throws herself backwards. The
two darts thud into the couch.
The Fake Walker fires again and Lois barely blocks it with
her purse that's she picked up from the floor.
FAKE WALKER
Puh-leeze, what's the point?
DOINK! While focused on Lois, Ellen has hit him with a
thrown orange from a bowl of fruit.
FAKE WALKER (CONT'D)
Ow!
Which gives Lois time to hit him in the forehead with a
heavy glass candy bowl that she's hurled. He drops to one
knee, stunned, and Lois kicks the gun out of his hand, then
lays him out with another kick.
ELLEN
When did you learn to do that?
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 42.
32 CONTINUED: 2 32
LOIS
Right after I went out with Ron
Taylor.
Ellen smiles, but Lois frowns as she looks at the Fake Walker.
LOIS (CONT'D)
Look.
33 LOIS'S POV - A GASH ON THE FAKE WALKER'S FOREHEAD 33
A fairly decent cut, it heals in a few seconds.
34 BACK TO LOIS AND ELLEN 34
ELLEN
He's not human! He's a -- he's an
_alien_!
LOIS
Mother, aliens aren't all bad. I
mean, assuming there are such th--
ELLEN
Of course they're bad! They eat
your brains! I read the papers!
They abduct women for bizarre
sexual experiments!
LOIS
(in spite of herself)
Bizarre? Like... what?
ELLEN
Like --
Suddenly the Fake Walker's eyes pop open and he grabs Lois's
wrist. Lois screams and PFFFFT! a tranquilizer dart slams
into the Fake Walker's chest and he drops back instantly.
Lois looks up at Ellen, who holds the gun.
ELLEN (CONT'D)
(appreciatively)
Neat.
Lois immediately searches him. She pulls out his wallet,
opens it and Ellen gapes at the Secret Service I.D.
ELLEN (CONT'D)
Secret Service?! Oh, my God, we're
going to prison.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 43.
34 CONTINUED: 34
LOIS
I knew I recognized him! He was
there when we tried to check in!
She reaches into another pocket and gives another little
scream as she yanks out a Doppelbuufo frog. She puts it all
together.
LOIS (CONT'D)
He's a clone!
ELLEN
A clone?! Like that's better than
an alien?!
Lois take the tranquilizer gun from Ellen as she paces.
LOIS
Clark and I are investigating a
story about some stolen frogs;
frogs that are used in cloning and
accelerated growth experiments.
_This is one of those frogs_. He
has accelerated healing! And Dr.
Mamba's here in Metropolis! It all
fits!
She dashes to her laptop, which is plugged into various
modems, etc, and fires it up. Her fingers fly as she types.
ELLEN
Lois, we're going to pack our bags
right now; we're going to get on
a _bus_, or a _boat_, or a
_dogsled_, and get the hell out of
Dodge!
LOIS
Oh, no... GreenTech is owned by
OmniAgricultural... which used to
be a division of... LexCorp.
ELLEN
Lex Luthor?!
Lois types some more, furiously.
LOIS
Yes... he's experimented with
clones in the past and....
(furious)
... another former division of his
built the Metropolis Diamond Hotel!
He's had this whole thing wired
from the beginning! (X)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 44.
34 CONTINUED: 2 34
Walker stirs and starts to sit up. Lois, without missing a
beat, picks up the tranquilizer gun and shoots him again.
LOIS (CONT'D)
(annoyed)
Quit it!
He goes down again. Lois dials her phone in a fury.
ELLEN
But why would Lex clone a Secret
Service agent?
LOIS
He's going to try and kill the
President!
FADE OUT.
_END OF ACT THREE_
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 45.
_ACT FOUR_
FADE IN:
35 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - A MINUTE LATER 35
Lois is on the phone.
LOIS
(impatient)
Come on, be there. Oh, hello,
Martha, sorry to wake you, is Clark
there?
36 INTERCUT - INT. CLARK's BEDROOM - NIGHT 36(X)
Jonathan and Martha are in bed. She holds the phone so he
can hear it, too.
MARTHA
No, he's not back, so I guess he's
still in India.
LOIS
When he gets back, tell him Lex
Luthor is trying to kill the
President. He's made a clone of
one Secret Service agent and I'm
sure there's more. Tell him to
tell Superman if he sees him before
I do. I'm going to try and warn
the President. Bye!
Martha looks at Jonathan.
JONATHAN
(beat)
How will they ever find the time to
have kids?
On Martha's smile, we go back to...
37 INT. LOIS'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 37
Lois is collecting her things as she prepares to dash out.
Ellen points the tranquilizer gun with both hands at the
Fake Walker.
LOIS
(in a rush)
I'll call 911 from the car. If he
moves again, shoot him. If Clark
calls, tell him where I've gone.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 46.
37 CONTINUED: 37
LOIS (CONT'D)
And if I don't see you until the
wedding, wear the blue outfit, it's
much nicer than the rose.
Then she dashes out, dashes back in, kisses Ellen and
leaves. Ellen looks down at the Fake Walker.
ELLEN
(with relish)
Come on... move. Just a little
bit.
CUT TO
38 INT. PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT 38(X)
The Fake President, in pajamas and Presidential bathrobe,
sits at a desk signing documents. We see the top of one, it
says "Federal Pardon", but we can"t see for whom it's made
out. He signs it with a flourish and hands it to a waiting
AIDE, who's fully dressed in suit and tie.
FAKE PRESIDENT
(sotto; to himself)
Phase Three... complete!
(to Aide)
Fax this immediately.
The Aide heads for the door. He opens the door just as an
angry Lois is trying get past two polite, but firmly
immovable SECRET SERVICE AGENTS.
LOIS
(to agents)
Look, I'm telling you, I've got to
talk to him before our deadline.
I've gotta confirm this quote. If
I don't get it right, it'll hurt
his re-election chances and _you _
will be out of a job.
(spies Fake President)
Mr. President!
FAKE PRESIDENT
Lois, you're up rather late.
(to agents; smiles)
Let her in. It's an election year.
The Agents let her in, then shut the door. Lois looks
cautiously around, then speaks.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 47.
38 CONTINUED: 38
LOIS
Mr. President, I have reason to
believe that Lex Luthor is behind
an attempt to assassinate you.
FAKE PRESIDENT
What?!
LOIS
The problem is, I think the
assassin could be one of your
Secret Service agents. Or at
least, a _clone_ of one of them.
One already made an attempt to
kidnap me tonight.
FAKE PRESIDENT
A clone? Lois, I have to say, this
is fantastic. It's mind boggling.
Do you have any proof?
LOIS
(nodding)
Yes, by now the police should have
the clone that attacked me in
custody. You can have him
examined.
DR. MAMBA (O.S.)
Bing! One million years is up! I
knew you'd come back.
Lois spins to see Dr. Mamba emerging from the secret door,
leaving it open. He carries a real gun. With a silencer. (X)
DR. MAMBA
Oh, and I wouldn't scream if I were
you. Unless it's in passion.
Lois, who had opened her mouth, slowly shuts it.
DR. MAMBA (CONT'D)
Handy things these secret passages,
eh? Mr. Luthor was rather
farsighted when he installed them.
You had everything right about this
clone business, except for one
item. There won't be any
assassination attempt, because you
see, we already got to the
President. He's a clone, too.
LOIS
(horrified)
No...
(CONTINUED)
(X)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 48.
38 CONTINUED: 2 38
FAKE PRESIDENT
Pretty cool, huh?
Lois stares at them for a second, then hurls her purse at
Mamba as she bolts for the door. He ducks and squeezes the
trigger.
39 EVERYTHING GOES TO SLOW MOTION 39
Superman crashes through the suite's window in a blur and
in...
40 EXTREME CLOSEUP 40
... intercepts the bullet with his hand a millimeter from
Lois's back.
FAKE PRESIDENT
Superman!
WHAM! Roberts and the other, REAL, Secret Service Agents
slam open the door, pistols and machine guns drawn. They
stop at the sight of Superman, who's just grabbed Mamba's
gun, but hasn't crushed it yet.
LOIS
Get the President! He's a fake!
He's a clone!
FAKE PRESIDENT
(unfazed)
Lois, please. What next, I started
as a frog?
SUPERMAN
(takes a step forward)
She's telling the --
FAKE PRESIDENT
(with authority)
Stop him.
The Agents don't know who to believe, but training takes
over and four agents jump on Superman. He disappears under
a crush of bodies as Mamba starts to bolt. Lois intercepts
Mamba and kung fu's him, but then the two remaining agents
wrestle her away as Superman, gently, but with a titanic
heave, tosses the four Secret Service men off him and grabs
the Fake President. The Agents start to regroup for another
attempt, but Lois, amidst her struggling, stops them.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 49.
40 CONTINUED: 40
LOIS
Wait! I can prove it! We don't
have to get violent about this.
Then she hauls off and punches the Fake President in the
mouth so hard it snaps his head back, bloodying his lower
lip. The two Agents quickly jerk her back as the Fake (X)
President flops down into a wing chair. (X)
FAKE PRESIDENT
Yow!
SUPERMAN
(as an aside)
Lois... I sure hope you know what
you're doing.
LOIS
Look at his lip.
In a second, the blood disappears and the wound heals.
WHIPPPPPP! All the Agents point their guns at Mamba and the
Fake President. Superman looks into the secret doorway and (X)
down through the floor. (X)
41 SUPERMAN'S X-RAY POV - A SECRET CLOSET 41
In it are the REAL PRESIDENT, the REAL WALKER, and the MAID
from the Teaser. All bound and gagged, but alive.
42 BACK TO SCENE 42
SUPERMAN
Gentleman, I think the President's
waiting for you downstairs. (X)
He and Lois hand over Mamba and the Fake President. Half
the Agents rush into the Secret Door.
SUPERMAN (CONT'D)
Ms. Lane, I believe you have a
wedding to prepare for.
LOIS
(beaming)
That's right, I'd almost forgot.
43 EXT. CHURCH - DAY #4 43(X)
Clark, Jimmy and Perry pace anxiously on the steps. They
all wear pinstripes and cutaways.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 50.
43 CONTINUED: 43
PERRY
(agitated)
Lois being late, that's a rule of
nature. But Rev. Bob, where the
heck is he?
JIMMY
Probably practicing his routine.
CLARK
Don't even say that.
SCREEECH. A limo pulls up, the CHAUFFEUR jumps out, but
before he can open a door, they spring open and out pop
Cindy in her bride's maid dress carrying Lois's shoes and
final makeup, Ellen in her rose dress and carrying a dress
bag with Lois's gown and veil, and finally Lois in jeans and
blouse, makeup on but her hair still up.
CLARK
(stunned)
Oh, mannn.
ELLEN
(coming up in a rush)
Don't worry, it'll only take a
minute.
A CHURCH DEACON, in a suit, exits the church. He dreads (X)
delivering the news he has. (X)
CHURCH DEACON
Mrs. Lane? I have a message from
your daughter, Lucy?
ELLEN
Is she at the airport? Oh, God,
we've got to wait!
CINDY
Just my luck.
CHURCH DEACON
(to Ellen)
Well, not exactly.
LOIS
What?! Where is she?
CHURCH DEACON
Apparently, she was running late
for her plane and set off the metal
detector when she went through. I
guess she got a bit frustrated at
the delay.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 51.
43 CONTINUED: 2 43
CLARK
Here it comes.
CHURCH DEACON
She slugged a Security Guard.
She's in jail, and they won't hear
bail until Monday.
ELLEN
Your sister's going to be the death
of me, yet.
Ellen and Clark both look at Lois. Lois grimaces and bites
the bullet.
LOIS
So, um, Cindy, I'd be...
thrilled... if you'd be my Maid of
Honor.
CINDY
Yes!
She runs ahead into the Church.
CHURCH DEACON
I'm afraid I have one other bit of
bad news.
(beat)
Reverend Bob can't make it.
LOIS
Are you kidding me?!
The Church Deacon awkwardly reads from a note. (X)
CHURCH DEACON
"He got a 'gig' on cruise ship (X)
that sailed this morning." But
he's trying to find a replacement!
He called me ship-to-shore just a
few minutes ago.
Lois collapses on the steps.
LOIS
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
I said something bad would happen,
and it's happening in spades. Lex
Luthor probably owns the cruise
line, too!
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 52.
43 CONTINUED: 3 43
CLARK
Lois, it's going to take some time,
but we're going to sort this out.
I'm not letting you get away _this_
easy.
LOIS
No, it's not going to happen! All
morning I've had this bad feeling.
This thing with Lex, it's not over,
I know it! He's probably the one
who sent those creepy gifts! (X)
CLARK
It's over. Lois. Lex is in
prison. And he's going to stay (X)
there until he's nine hundred and (X)
eighty-three. The only thing we (X)
have to do today is get married.
So, you go get dressed, and I'll
find a minister.
PERRY
(clears his throat)
Uh-hmm. Normally I would never
reveal this, but I can marry you.
JIMMY
No way!
PERRY
I am an ordained minister of the
First Church of Blue Suede
Deliverance.
ELLEN
This is no time for bad jokes.
Reverend Bob was enough for one
lifetime.
PERRY
No joke. Alice and I were down
visiting Graceland once, and we'd
been 'celebrating' and I saw this
on the inside of matchbook at a
tiny truckstop and... the rest is
history.
Clark looks at Lois, whose smiling and nods.
CLARK
Perry, we'd be honored.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 53.
43 CONTINUED: 4 43
PERRY
(excited)
Great! I've been to a lot of
weddings, so I know exactly what to
say. Sort of. Pretty much. I'll
wing it. They all start moving into
the church.
44 INT. NARTHEX OF CHURCH - DAY 44
Everyone rushes inside. Ellen pauses as she sees Sam. They
both look at each other warily, then smile.
SAM
It's a great day.
ELLEN
Yes, it is.
Then she disappears into the Ladies Room, followed by Cindy.
Just as Lois is about to enter, she's stopped by the Deacon.
CHURCH DEACON
Oh, Ms. Lane? I need you to sign
the marriage license, it'll just
take a moment.
CLARK
(to Lois)
I already signed.
LOIS
(beaming)
Teacher's pet.
He leads her into another room and shuts the door. Martha
and Jonathan appear.
MARTHA
Is everything okay?
CLARK
As usual, everything's upside down,
but turning out fine.
JONATHAN
Sounds like a marriage to me.
CLARK
(grins)
Did I ever tell you how much I love
you guys?
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 54.
44 CONTINUED: 44
MARTHA
Once or twice.
CLARK
Well, it's still true. (X)
45 INT. NAVE OF CHURCH - DAY 45
Perry stands in front of the altar. Clark and Jimmy stand
to his left, waiting. Cindy stands to his right. The ORGAN
thunders into the wedding march and the guests all rise.
The rear doors open and Lois enters, wearing her gown. She
looks beautiful. She walks down the aisle on Sam's arm. At
the altar, he peels off and Clark steps up beside her.
PERRY
Friends, we're gathered here today
to join this man and this woman in
holy matrimony. Now marriage is
nothing to be entered upon lightly.
Just like a newspaper, it takes a
lot of hard work to make it a
success. But, if anybody can do
it, these two can. Now, Clark,
you're about the most perfect guy (X)
I know.
Lois and Clark share a secret smile.
PERRY (CONT'D)
And Lois...
(pregnant pause; big
smile) (X)
... you're perfect, too, just the (X)
way you are. So, basically, these (X)
are two wonderful people... who
love each other... and deserve each
other. And now, as the King
himself might say...
(imitating the King)
It's time for the big finish.
(normal voice)
Lois, Clark, will you please join
hands.
(they do)
Jimmy, the ring.
Jimmy digs out the ring and hands it to Perry. Perry then
hands it to Clark. Clark places it on Lois's finger.
PERRY (CONT'D)
Now repeat after me. I, Clark,
take thee Lois, to love, honor and
cherish for as long as I live.
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 55.
45 CONTINUED: 45
CLARK
I, Clark, take thee Lois, to love,
honor and cherish for as long as I
live.
PERRY
Cindy, may I have the ring, please.
Cindy hands Perry the ring. He takes it, then gives it to
Lois, who slips it on Clark's finger.
PERRY (CONT'D)
(to Lois)
Now repeat after me. I, Lois, take
thee Clark, to love, honor and
cherish for as long as I live.
LOIS
(through happy tears)
I, Lois, take thee Clark, to love,
honor and cherish for as long as I
live.
PERRY
Then by the power invested in me by
this state and the First Church of
Blue Suede Deliverance, I now
pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Lois and Clark give a huge kiss, the organ swells, and they
turn and head down the aisle as the guests stand and grin.
46 EXT. CHURCH/INT. LIMO - DAY 46
The CHAUFFEUR sits in the back seat with the door open,
watching the TV in the limo. On it is a news bulletin that
shows a picture of Lex Luthor.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.0.)
LNN has just learned that prison
authorities released Lex Luthor
this morning after they received a
Presidential pardon for him.
Prison officials were unaware at
the time that the pardon had been
issued by the False President. A
search was immediately begun, but
so far, Mr. Luthor remains at
large.
He shakes his head. Suddenly, he hears the Church doors
open and he quickly turns off the TV and leaps out to hold
open the limo door.
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 56.
47 LOIS AND CLARK 47
emerge in a shower of rice and skitter down to the limo.
They wave as Lois gets in, followed by Clark. The Chauffeur
shuts the door, gets in behind the wheel and drives off.
The Lanes, the Kents, Perry, Jimmy, and Cindy all wave from
the steps.
CUT TO
48 INT. CLARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT #4 48
Clark sits in bed, shirtless, a look of happiness on his
face. There's a bucket of champagne near the bed. He sips
champagne from a flute and pours some more for Lois's glass.
CLARK
Just think, this time tomorrow,
we'll be in Hawaii.
LOIS (O.S.)
Maybe we can just stay there.
CLARK
You want it, you got it. We'll
eat...
He settles back comfortably.
49 INT. BATHROOM - CLOSEUP - LOIS 49
She's fixing her hair in the mirror.
CLARK (O.S.)
... coconuts everyday. I'll just
fly up and grab some whenever we
need more.
LOIS
Sounds great.
CLARK (O.S.)
(beat)
Lois... ?
LOIS
Standby to be stunned!
50 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 50
Clark eagerly waits in bed.
LOIS
Well, was it worth the wait?
(CONTINUED)
--page break--
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU..." (#15) FULL Blue 12/19/95 57.
50 CONTINUED: 50
Lois emerges from the shadows. She IS stunning in her
extremely sexy negligee.
CLARK
I'd say... _yeah_.
Clark holds out his hand and as Lois slinkily walks towards
the bed, we...
FADE OUT.
_THE END_
![[HypnoCup] Élimination de Clark](/graph/news_icon/news_icon-93ab562db0f0329ef1031b8cf78f253e.jpg?v1){kind=icon}
![[HypnoCup] Clark en compétition dans le 3ème tour !](/graph/news_icon/news_icon-cfb55615fcdcd4242c27c8fcd3b7f915.jpg?v1){kind=icon}
